"You don't do well with the unknown..."

Thursday morning at 10:30 I had to be brave. Turns out, I am not very good at being brave. I like being prepared. I like knowing what I am walking into and having multiple plans for how to respond if faced with varying situations. Being brave to me means facing a situation with confidence and conviction with no worry for what the outcome might be.

For all intents and purposes I was prepared. I had poured hours, months even, into what I was about to walk into and do. But Wednesday night at 9:00 I found myself hyperventilating on my back porch coping, or not coping, with the fact that absolutely anything could happen the next morning. It would all come down to me drawing a question out of a bag; a question that I would hopefully know well enough to talk about for twenty minutes. It could be one of twenty options…covering a range of anything found in the first half of the Old Testament.

So maybe I’m being a little bit dramatic about a final exam. Then again, maybe I’m not. Maybe God used this anxiety and fear and ultimate success on my test to show me that given preparation and faith things would turn out alright. There are so many people around me that love me regardless of my definition of success for myself. As I leaned on the railing of my back porch feeling hopelessly ill-prepared the only thing I could do was listen to my mom when she said, “go to bed, you do better with things in the morning”. So I did. Once again this week I let go of my study plan and clinging to control and doing things on my own terms.

Thursday morning I still didn’t feel prepared. My sweet roommate left a written prayer stuck to my Keurig for me to read first thing. “…Lord, remind Liz that her worth is in you…”

So my test turned out alright, I probably made a good grade, but in the hours leading up to the exam I came to some freeing realizations, and looking back I realize that I was successful, regardless of the grade. I learned an incredible amount about the Bible this semester. I experienced God in a more personal way than ever before. I prayed that God would teach me how to pray and an exciting journey began as God is doing just that. I learned that God has placed incredible people in my life to help shape and form me, but ultimately it is God I must lean on. God is faithful. God is loving. God  is merciful. God is full of grace. These are things I experienced personally this semester, and no grade can reflect, justify or diminish that.

So, it turns out I don’t do well with the unknown…but thankfully I have people in my life that love me enough to call me out on that and be supportive even when I can barely breathe. I have a God that cares for me, teaches me, and disciples me in ways that are beyond my expectations and understanding.

All things considered this semester was wildly successful…and challenging…but through it all I am encouraged and filled with the peace of knowing that God will carry me through many more unknowns.