depleted and filled

I wrote this last Monday...and didn't hit post...excuse the dated language. 

I reached this weekend depleted and scattered. The week was much less stressful than the previous two, but my focus was in a million places. I forgot to bring many moments and worries before God.

I watched a lot of movies and shows this weekend. There is beauty in art. I believe that God is over all the earth and that truth can be present anywhere – though it is not present everywhere. I find a lot of truth in Mumford and Sons lyrics. When I went to their show last summer my friend commented that I looked like I was at a worship service. In a way I was. Not worshiping them, of course, but reflecting on the way their words gave voice to my pain and hope as I sang along.

The two movies I watched this weekend – “A River Runs Through It”, and “One Day” – were beautifully made and convey themes of redemption, hope, and love. They tell stories of the human experience. They made me sad.

This past week I was privileged to attend some of the sessions of the Hunger Summit put on by Texas Hunger Initiative on Baylor’s campus. The last session I attended was a discussion on payday and title loans. This industry makes me mad. It preys on those in poverty and offers opportunity for cycles of debt that are crushing. It is a huge problem. There are people around the state and nation confronting this issue creatively and with great passion. They are empowering others to do the same.

Yesterday after church I went to a Q&A session with the founder of Jesus Said Love. I am so encouraged by the genuine love and faithfulness this team exudes as they show the love of Christ - with no strings attached - to women who dance in clubs around Texas. The sex industry is a visible expression of oppression and I learned yesterday that these women are touched by every metric of poverty. It is systemic. It is pervasive.

The world can be overwhelming and full of suffering. But God is present. It’s a weird tension. It raises all sorts of questions about evil and brokenness and love and hope. I know that God is good. I know that God is love. I know that one day this will all be made right and there won’t be any more suffering. Even now, the redemptive work of Christ’s life, death and resurrection is evident through the work of the folks at Jesus Said Love, those working to eradicate predatory lending, and so many more.  I am thankful for these glimpses of tangible hope and God’s work in the world.

I am the type that likes to do things. I like to meet issues head on and solve them. These systemic, cyclical issues are not something I can solve. It isn’t my job. I can’t do everything. But I can do something.

As my Sabbath wrapped up yesterday afternoon I made a commitment to pray this week. Last week showed me how quickly I forget to come before God when life travels at a normal pace. I had the urge to pray, knew I should be, but I couldn’t find the focus or the words. I asked God to guide me.

Throughout each day this week I am praying for my family, for my friends, for issues surrounding hunger/poverty, for the world, and for discernment about my role in each of these spheres. I am also reading Psalm 119.

We took communion at church yesterday. As I walked to front, ripped off a chunk of bread, dipped it in the juice and ate it, I asked God to fill me. I asked that my life be filled with the death and resurrection of Christ as I went forward into this week. I am not worthy, but I am asking God to teach me to live and to love according to my identity and membership in the Body of Christ. 

An update a week in the making: 

I feel that I did a poor job actually praying for all of the things I wanted to last week. The message at church two days ago was about prayer and abiding. I am thankful for grace as I stumble around and learn what it means to be in conversation with God as I learn to abide.